Full Send into Balance: A Return to the Life That Matters

Man, I’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately — the kind that hit deeper when the noise quiets down. After a walk and a moment of stillness, I realized how easily I can drift off course without even noticing.
Lately, I’d been playing Diablo 2: Resurrected — chasing gear, flipping items on forums, buying from players who run bots — and something about it just didn’t sit right. It felt unhealthy, like I was feeding an old loop that didn’t belong in my life anymore. I could feel the energy drain, that hollow feeling after hours of meaningless progress.

I caught myself asking: Why am I doing this?
What am I really seeking in the repetition?
It wasn’t satisfaction. It wasn’t creativity. It definitely wasn’t peace.

The truth hit me: I was craving balance — craving the feeling of living a life that means something again. I want to meditate, to take care of Amanda and myself, to pour my energy, love, and focus into becoming the best versions of who we can be. That kind of devotion feels like healing — not just for her, but for me, too. I think when I nurture the divine feminine within Amanda, I’m also healing the imbalance within myself. There’s something sacred about that.

I want to devote myself to caring for us, our family, and our home — not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally. I know this foundation is what will carry me into becoming the person I’m meant to be. Everything else in life — my art, my health, my businesses, my relationships — will grow from that center. I just need that core focus and then let everything else align around it.

Reclaiming Purpose

All this came from realizing how empty it felt to be trapped in the loops of that game. It wasn’t about leveling a sorceress or necromancer, or building a perfectly geared barbarian — it was about the feeling of chasing something that never gave back. I didn’t want to spend my energy on that anymore. Ten days in, and I already knew: This isn’t it.
There was no purpose.

I don’t want to use forums like D2JSP again, or waste time buying virtual items from strangers who automate the grind. It’s not just about quitting a game — it’s about reclaiming my life force. I see now how easy it is to get hooked on digital dopamine instead of real evolution.

I want to stay away from the addicting games — Path of Exile, DOTA, World of Warcraft, Diablo 2 Resurrected, Old School RuneScape — anything that eats time without building something tangible in return.
If I’m going to play, I want it to be with people, or for something meaningful like language learning or relaxation, not escape.

Otherwise, I want to spend my energy on real life pursuits — writing, painting, pyrography, DJing, gardening, flow arts, investing, snowboarding, exploring. These are the activities that actually shape who I am. They leave something behind. They make a difference.

It’s funny how something as simple as frustration can open a door. Being fed up was a gift — it reminded me what my time is worth.

The Life I Want to Live

I know what I need to do: focus on developing systems for all the important areas of my life and business. That’s how I’ll move forward — with intention and structure. I can build a holistic framework for taking care of Amanda, my family, my friends, my art, and myself. If I do that, I’ll make progress everywhere at once.

That’s the mission: to live as an example, to “full send” into the areas that matter most — the ones that give back to the soul, not just the senses.

It’s time to restart, to step again into the identities that make me whole:
Writer. Poet. Language learner. Flow artist. Juggler. Painter. Pyrographer. Gardener. Explorer. Nurse. Adventurer. Slack-liner. Lover. Cook. Partner. Learner. Real estate investor. DJ. Snowboarder. Athlete. Producer. Creator.

These are the archetypes that form the real game — the one I actually care about winning. Every one of them leads toward my ultimate dream: building the festival venue and creative sanctuary I’ve envisioned for years — a space where people can grow, express, heal, and awaken.

That’s the life I want to build — one that offers maximum value to others. A place where the energy we put in multiplies, where people become their best selves through connection, nature, music, and art.

Minimalism, Ritual, and Harmony

I can see why people are drawn to minimalism. It’s not about owning less — it’s about carrying less noise. It’s about protecting your energy and focusing it on what matters most. Life feels clearer when you simplify how you spend your time.

I don’t need everything. I just need consistency. I want to create morning, afternoon, and evening routines that have variety but structure — certain rituals that match my energy at each part of the day. That’s how I’ll stay balanced.

Mornings might be for meditation, movement, journaling, and art.
Afternoons for productivity, connection, and learning.
Evenings for reflection, rest, and love.

The pattern doesn’t need to be perfect — just alive. That’s what balance really means.

Gentleness Over Intensity

As much as I want to move forward fast, I keep reminding myself: this path isn’t about force. It’s about gentleness and presence. I don’t need to be so intense about every step. I can move deliberately, with tenderness toward myself, others, and the responsibilities I hold.

I want to cultivate peace and harmony — to handle all matters, people, and projects with patience and care. That’s where true strength comes from.

Conclusion: Turning the Page

This whole reflection started from something so small — being frustrated with a game. But that’s how awareness works; it starts in the details. One moment of “I don’t like how this feels” can unravel years of habit.

I’m choosing not to go back to the old loops.
I’m choosing to channel that same energy into my creative life — the one that’s real, grounded, and sacred.

This is a reawakening — a moment to return to balance, to remember what I truly value, and to live in full alignment with it.
From this point forward, I choose devotion over distraction, and creation over consumption.

This is me resetting — with clarity, with love, and with purpose.
This is the life I am meant to live.